A Word for Washington

It is time someone said a word for Washington.

The East Coast is nice but too formal. You can’t go anywhere unless you take a shower and put a suit on. Even if you want to beg you have to put a suit on. It isn’t so busy out here, we understand if you don’t want to get up until 10 am; the morning is overrated, besides it doesn’t even get light until then in the winter.

Besides sleeping in, while you are awake the Northwest is better; there are mountains and ocean and good coffee shops. I’ve heard they have one hill east of the Mississippi but the guy who owns it charges $3.50 per visit. We have more mountains than we know what to do with. I think you get one if you have a verified license with the state. Also, you get a tree.

I think that’s why it is called the evergreen state. Because of the trees. But it could be because of the grass, we have a lot of that too. I can’t think of anywhere, not even in Seattle or Portland that doesn’t have grass. When it is watered by heaven, why not? Just let it be. People just go with the flow here.

And speaking of flow, people aren’t ever in a rush here. When we drive, we sometimes go the speed limit but only when we’re late. Usually we aim for about 80% of the speed limit. Sometimes I cruise at fifteen just because. If someone wants in to traffic, and it isn’t absolutely necessary but most times, someone that has right of way will stop and let the person waiting in. They don’t do that most places.

Least of all the Southwest. We share some nice things with our Californian brothers and sisters, like Oregon. I know about Portland, and that seems like a state, but Oregon? I don’t know if it is a real state or what, it is what I like to call it the Canada of the lower 47.

But California and Arizona are too hot in the summer. Really it is too hot except one day in March and April. They may have tans but we have Toms and jeans, to business meetings. If we ever went to business meetings.

And then there is LA and Hollywood. Where the leaves scream before they fall to the ground. People wear shorts every day of the year, except December 17th. I think that is the one day that it is overcast, as voted on by the settlers in 1612. But I won’t pick on California too much, it is a nice place aside from the business people who want your money and the hippies who want your money. But really except for the people and the weather, it is a nice place.

We have a few rich people here and unlike every other state they like sharing. Just with each other though. But for us regular people they make computers so we don’t have to leave our houses to go in the rain. That and they write books. Everyone else drinks coffee and reads books. We have it figured out here, in the Pacific Northwest.

A final note, people talk about it raining here and I just want to point out that it has only ever rained here once. It was in 1943 when they started keeping track to present. But it’s bound to let up any day now.