Dallin rode his scooter up the corridor. The whole ship a corridor. Going up and down and left and right. Even where they ate was called a mess hall.
Dallin put at least ten hours on his scooter every day. Gleaming corridors, polished to a mirror finish. And every single hallway had four coming off of it.
Sector H-L were Dallin's. His team called it hell, but Dante hadn't imagined anything like this. Sisyphus in year 700 might have had some feeling for hell's cleaning. If the dwarves had to clean the Mines off Moria to a mirror finish, they would have been able to feel the hell crew's pain.
When I do a behavior that I know is bad for me and those around me, then it's a signal that something is wrong inside.
If I am filled up with goodness and joy, patience and grace, when I am upset that is what will spill over, onto my family, friends and neighbor.
Instead of condemning myself, I can choose curiosity about what these behaviors are solving (poorly).
overeating | low self-worth
excessive video games, social media | lack of progress
not doing housework when I should | overwhelmed
idling at work | feeling directionless
It isn't that I need to participate in these behaviors to use them as signals, desire is enough. Just because I have an urge doesn't mean I need to act on it. But if I constantly am fighting my urges, though, I will be struggling all the time. If I never deal with what is actually wrong, eventually willpower will either fade or turn into will worship.
I smoothed my pants out needlessly as Richard and Barb looked over my resume, Richard holding it at arm’s length, refusing to see an eye doctor because “it's fine.”
Barb managed to give me the idea that she was rolling her eyes constantly, even though I didn't see her actually it. Richard bounced his foot, drummed his pencil, looked at the clock, turned the paper over, and doodled.
It's the easiest thing in the world to beat yourself up when you miss the mark. Instead, when you find a way that doesn't work, or doesn't move the needle as much as you would like, be curious. You just found new information that you can use! If you approach with curiosity instead of condemnation, you won't feel rotten when you didn't get it right the first time.
Instead ask, “What can I do to get closer to my goal?”
It takes courage to do this. The required grace and patience must come from without, not within.
