When I do a behavior that I know is bad for me and those around me, then it's a signal that something is wrong inside.

If I am filled up with goodness and joy, patience and grace, when I am upset that is what will spill over, onto my family, friends and neighbor.

Instead of condemning myself, I can choose curiosity about what these behaviors are solving (poorly).

It isn't that I need to participate in these behaviors to use them as signals, desire is enough. Just because I have an urge doesn't mean I need to act on it. But if I constantly am fighting my urges, though, I will be struggling all the time. If I never deal with what is actually wrong, eventually willpower will either fade or turn into will worship.

There's a third way.